I find myself looking forward to weekends more and more. Not because of the time off, but because I can actually do something to make myself feel useful. For far too long, now, my “real” job has been not only boring, but there has been no meaningful work to do. I suppose I am grateful that I am still employed, but it is degrading to go, day after day, and just put in time with no problems to solve, no one to feel grateful for whatever you do.

I get whatever feeling of worth my life has not from the 40 hours a week I put in at the office, but from doing websites for nonprofits, loving my children, working with the scouts, and, almost embarrassingly, putting in a few hours a week at the homebrew store – talking to customers when I can, and filling bags of corks (or whatever) when there is no one in the store. How sad that counting corks and weighing hops is more satisfying for someone with four years of college,three years of graduate education, and a quarter century of experience in the computer field, than what you supposedly do for a living.

Today I picked up one son from school about 11:30 when he was sick. I was almost grateful, as it gave me an excuse to leave the office. But then, I have only put in one 40 hour week so far this year, and am way overboard on sick time used, and have used too much vacation.

I honestly don’t know how much longer I can take this. 🙁